I didn’t see Paul’s chosen form for last week until this morning. Obviously, I had to give it a whirl. It’s a Welsh form, gwawdodyn hir, six lines, the first four of nine syllables, the last couplet of ten syllables. All lines except line five have the same end rhyme. The rhythm must work in Welsh, but in English it’s difficult to get it balanced. More work needed on this.
Nightfall
Reminding us all life is finite,
trees afire where roosting birds alight,
sunset flames, the dark world-sky ignite,
then ashes feather-grey fledge twilight,
and all the butterfly delights of day
dim with the endless dark of deepest night.
Reblogged this on The Wombwell Rainbow.
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Excellent Jane 💜
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Thank you xxx
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It’s lovely, but it doesn’t have the same sort of flow as many of your poems.
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Thanks 🙂 I don’t think syllable counting poems ever do flow, and when the syllable count changes mid-stream, it makes it even more wonky. I’m perfectly willing to believe that it works in Welsh, just not in English.
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You could be right. 🙂
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I agree, the rhythm is a bit strange in English. Languages have very different rhythms. (K)
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So difficult to translate. I think adaptation works better than straight translation.
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I agree.
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